Change of Heart
by Gaarasgurl666
Summary: Living on the edge wasn't always the best way to live, and in all honesty, I'd be happy when this was all over.    Severus Snape X Reader
1. Prologue

The day that I was forced to betray the man I loved, I knew my life wasn't going to be easy.

"Professor Dumbledore." I stood before the Headmaster, myarms crossed in front of mychest as Ilooked at him. His proposition, had he been serious?

"I understand if you decline, for your life will be put in extreme danger if you are discovered, I simply wanted extra precaution-"

"To makes sure Severus didn't truly join sides with the Dark Lord. I understood, Professor, but what makes you think I'd have any hold over him?"

"Without you, he would go back to the way he was before, alone and surrounding by the calling darkness. You are his shield of light, protecting him from the darkness. If you were to disappear, he'd become susceptible."

"But if I take your offer, I might disappear still."

"There's always a chance."

"Professor..." I bit my lip, turning from him for a second. Could I truly accept his offer? Could I do the very thing Snape had been trying to protect me from, would I stray from my happy, bright life to help Severus and Dumbledore?

"I'll do it. I will become a Death Eater."


	2. Chapter 1

I sighed softly, running a hand through my hair. I was sititng in Severus' arm chair, under his and Dumbledore's request, I was forced to leave my lovely little home and had to move in with Severus. Not that I minded all that much, Severus and I had a relationship, sort of. It's never like he officially asked me out, but we were together. I wasn't with any other men, and Severus wasn't ever with any women regardless. I'm not even sure why he'd given me a chance.

My wand tapped against the chair as my leg shook; I normally could control myself but for the moment I was awaiting Severus' return. He'd gone back to Hogwarts, even during the summer months when he was supposed to be free, under the implications that Dumbledore needed him for something important. It left me at home to ponder Dumbledore's orders.

Become a Death Eater.

How was I to do this? Severus would immediately shoot it down if I ever brought it up in front of the Dark Lord when he was around, which meant I'd have to go behind his back. Not that he hadn't gone behind mine many times before, but unlike his little lies, mine were dangerous. It was going to be a difficult task, but I'd find a way to do it.

Pettigrew was in the house at times, under Voldemorts orders to keep a close eye on Snape, but in all honesty the only thing that man was capable of doing was eating everything in sight.

"Pettigrew!" I shouted as I walked in the kitchen; that little rat was eating a large block of cheese, nibbling away at it like he was a true rat. He squeaked and dropped it, apologizing profusely. If Snape ever found out he was taking food without permission again, he'd be kicked. "Severus will hear of this."

He was at my feet in a second, shaking and begging that I have a heart. I looked at him coldly before an idea sprung into my mind. If I could get Peter to call Bellatrix, I'd be able to proposition myself to her, and being one of the Dark Lords trusted servants, I'd be a shoe in! Severus finding out before it happened was the main problem.

"Get off, you dirty little scoundrel." I pulled my leg out of his grasp, patting off the dirt that had accumulated on my pants. "I won't tell Severus, on one condition." Peter looked up at me with hopeful eyes. He began to look like a rat more and more these days. "I need you to call on Bellatrix for me."

He suddenly looked horrified, as if he'd rather face Snape's torture than summoning Bellatrix. I sent a glare his way, I may not have the cold heart Snape did towards him, but that doesn't mean I wasn't a force to be feared. His little beady eyes began to shift back and forth from my gaze; I was making him nervous. He would crack soon.

"Okay! Okay, okay, okay! I'll summon that woman-" I smiled.

"Good. Do it right away. I want to speak with her before Severus is home." Peter seemed to be questioning what to do again, however, once he saw my hand shift to where my wand was hidden he jolted from the room to do as a bid. I walked back into the living room, a smile adourning my face as I sat in the armchair once more. Now I just had to hope Bellatrix would immediately appear to see me.


	3. Chapter 2

Bellatrix only kept me waiting a few hours before she appeared. Luckily Snape hadn't come home yet, it looked like he was spending another night at Hogwarts. I missed his company, sometimes it was difficult to fall asleep alone in that cold room of his, but I'd gotten used to it. Being a double agent meant that he was busy. I just wanted this all to end.

"Why hello, Severus' little pet." Bellatrix greeted me with a grin, one that made me quite nervous. I'd nearly forgotten who I was dealing with. One wrong move, one slip of the tongue, and I might be dead and Snape could be caught. I'd have to choose my words carefully.

"Good evening, Bellatrix." Being polite could go a long way.

"If you could inform me of why you had this little rat called me, I'd appreciate it."

"I wished to speak to you about a certain thing." Bellatrix raised an eyebrow, taking off the black cloak that had been previously on her.

"And that is?" She had begun to walk around the house, examining a vase that was on the shelf above the fireplace. She placed it down on the table as Pettigrew skittered into the room.

"I want to swear allegiance to the Dark Lord, I want to be his puppet and I'll do anything he wishes to help him kill Harry Potter." Her eyes narrowed suspiciously. Had I not sounded convincing enough?

"I see." She said simply, her eyes scanning the room. "And why the sudden change of heart?"

"It's not a change of heart, Bellatrix, I have always supported the Dark Lord. I wish to serve him openly, now, I wish for him to recognize me as one of his loyal followers." Bellatrix's eyes glinted as I finished, she now took a few quick strides towards me and held my face with one of her hands. Her nails were digging into my cheek, if she squeezed any harder I might begin to bleed.

"I will proposition the Dark Lord, but beware, if you are just a dirty _traitor_, I'll be happy to be the one to cast the curse leading to your damnation." I kept my face straight even though internally I was ready to break down. Being this close to a loyal follower when I was just a liar, my life could end with one little _flick_ of her wand. She released my face but I didn't dare move.

"Thank you." Were the only words I could manage to spit out, it took too much effort to stop myself from shaking. This woman was intimidating, she commanded power, and I was lying to her face. It would take an extreme amount of willpower to not break down now, but I pictured Dumbledores smiling face, Snape's deep seated frown and stressed out ways, and I stood straight. I'd made my decision, I could half-ass it now.

Bellatrix gave me another look, smirking before exiting the house. She knew as well as I did that it'd be smart to make herself scarce before Severus returned, if he did. Pettigrew was cowering in the corner, nervously watching her as he left. Now that he had known your secret, you'd have to be sure to keep his treacherous lips quiet.

"Don't you speak a word of this to Severus." Peter flinched as he turned away, covering his face with his hands. "If you do, you'll receive punishment from me, you got it, you little rat?" Your wand was in his face now, painfully pressing against his cheek.

The front door slammed.

"What have I told you about torturing the servants, (Name)?" I pulled my wand away, stuffing it back down the side of my pants before turning to face Severus. He took a few steps forward, Pettigrew scurried off into another room.

"Have you done everything Dumbledore's asked?" I asked curiously. I already wanted to blurt out what Dumbledore had asked of me, I had to distract him and myself with small talk. He raised an eyebrow, turning to walk off towards his armchair where the Daily Prophet lay.

"I did as told; if I hadn't planned on doing as he requested, why would I have gone in the first place?" Snape's voice was heavy with sarcasm; I smirked and chided him for being such a killjoy.

"You don't understand the meaning of small talk." From the corner of my eye I noticed the vase still out of it's rightful place; I quickly walked over to set it back up on the shelf.

"Is there any particular reason that was out of it's place?" Snape asked from behind his newspaper. I cleared my mind before I spoke again; to lie to him was a great difficulty.

"Oh, simply doing some cleaning while you were away, I get restless. You get mad when I leave the house without you after all, so I'm cornered up in here. Little ol' me with nothing to do."

"If I might remind you, it is for YOUR protection and you are perfectly capable of leaving the house, however if you are to be hurt or sent to St. Mungo's, it would be no fault of mine."

"Of course." I murmured.

"You cleaned the house?" Snape asked, folding the paper back so he could get a clear look at me. "Then why is there still dust behind everything else on the shelf." I bit my lip, noticing the thin layer of dust that was still left.

"I'm not a very good cleaner, it seems!" I laughed nervously. He put the newspaper down, standing up and walking over to me. He placed a hand under my chin and forced me to look into his eyes; my heart must've skipped quite a few beats, it always did when he was close.

"Cleaning is apparently a dangerous profession." He stated, his hand brushing against my cheek.. "You're bleeding." I cursed, pulling away and looking into the large mirror that hung over the fireplace. A thin line of dried blood ran down my cheek. Bellatrix had actually made me bleed. I licked my thumb and quickly wiped it away; Snape was eyeing me carefully. If he hadn't had suspicions before, he was now.

"**Who** hurt you?" He asked, it sounded much louder and intimidating than he'd meant it to. I gulped under his strong gaze, his coal black eyes never leaving mine. He was trying to get into my mind, trying to see what I had done. "Tell me."

"Y-you can be commanding when you want to be." I pulled myself away from him before I cracked; I was already beginning to sweat under his gaze. I didn't want to subject myself to it much longer. He pursed his lips, staring at me for another few seconds before turning away.

"I'm heading off to bed. Join me if'd you like."

"Later." He replied, heading back to his chair. It must've been nearly 11 at night. I glanced up at the clock in the hall, frowning and turning away. It was never good to argue with him, it was best at times to leave him be. I didn't want to have to deal with him grumpy, but then again, when wasn't he? I snickered at my thoughts and ascended the stairs to the bedroom.

The room was dimly lit, even with the lights on. A cauldron sat bubbling on a desk near the corner of the room. The dark curtains were closed tight so now amount of sunlight, or moonlight, could filter into the room. A single candle remained lit by the bed that we shared. He'd put it out if he actually slept in the bed, otherwise he'd sleep in his armchair.

I sighed, changing into my pajamas and sliding into the bed. The sheets were made of the most comfortable material, it could put you to sleep in seconds if you could overlook the dreary room. Tonight, however, I couldn't sleep, instead coosing to stare at the flickering flame of the candle. I knew the hours were ticking by, Severus still hadn't come to bed.

I sighed softly, turning over to face the window. It had to be around 3 or 4 in the morning when I heard the door to the room creak open. I'd already been sleeping, the sound must've woken me up.

I heard Severus stir the potion, before he walked over to bed. The light went out and he was now laying beside me, his back turned towards mine. I smiled in content, at least he'd get a better rest if he were in his bed. I then drifted off to sleep for a few more hours.


	4. Chapter 3

I carefully climbed out of bed, not wanting to wake him. He hadn't been getting much sleep lately, first time he's slept in his own bed for weeks, so I wanted him to enjoy the feeling for awhile longer. I walked downstairs and took a pot from the cabinet, deciding to make myself oatmeal. I'd gotten it from a good Muggle friend of mine, she said it was delicious. Now, how did I make it?

I read the instructions on the packet, and made the nasty looking substance. I wonder if Severus had any cinnamon. A dash of flavor for those more delicious potions he brewed. I giggled at my own stupid joke and searched the cabinets for anything to give flavor to the gruel in the bowl. Pettigrew scurried into the kitchen, reaching into the fridge and grabbing the slab of cheese.

"What is your obsession with cheese?" I asked, startling him.

"I-it's just so good." He squeaked out, grabbing the cheese and rushing from the room. I huffed.

"I guess spending 13 years as a rat makes you exactly like one." I ate the oatmeal, deciding with a dash of some flavor it was pretty good. I washed the bowl, putting it away in the cabinet before exiting to the living room. Snape had left the newspaper open over the chair; it made the room look untidy.

Someone knocked loudly on the door; Peter quickly went to answer it. I thought nothing of it, placing the newspaper back in its place before sitting down. I heard Peter squeak as he was nearly shoved into the room. Bellatrix stood in front of me, along with Scabior, an egotistical man who Voldemort hadn't deemed good enough to be a Death Eater.

"Voldemort has taken your request into consideration, but first..." She gave a little sadistic grin, licking her lips as she stepped closer to me. "You must prove your loyalty." Scabior grinned, putting a hand on my shoulder.

"Quiet!" I whispered to Bellatrix. Peter was huddled in the corner, listening attentively.

"How DARE you eavesdrop!" Bellatrix drew her wand, but I quickly stood between the two of them.

"Please, be quiet! Severus is still sleeping. If he were to find out-"

"He would not be pleased." My heart stopped as I turned to face Snape, in all of his glory, staring at me and the other two intruders in his home. "If you could leave me and Ms. (Name), Bella." Bellatrix smirked, walking from the room with Scabior and Peter follower her nervously. Snape immediately turned to face me, taking a few infuriated steps forward.

"Severus I-" An invisible force pressed me hard against the wall, my feet her a few inches from the ground. I felt like I'd swallowed my tongue, I couldn't speak. It must be a spell he casted.

"How dare you go behind my back. Do you not understand the consequences of what you have done?" He was infuriated; his eyes were glowing with rage. "What was going through your head when you offered yourself to the Dark Lord?"

I couldn't reply.

"You have thrown away everything I've done for you. All of my protection, his protection, has disappeared now that YOU had decided that you wanted a little bit more power, a little more attention!"

"No-" I found my voice again. "That's not why-"

"NO. MORE. LIES." He bellowed.

"I'm not lying!" I cried out, but he wouldn't hear of it.

"I could have you banished from Voldemorts side and the wizarding world. I could easily kill you and wipe your memory from everyone who's ever met you and have them never even remember you existed. I can banish you to a realm where the dark forces would torture you and crush you-"

"Stop!" I cried out again. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, stop!" His lip curled upward, he looked as if he wanted to say more things towards me but he said nothing. He turned away, walking from the room in silence. I fell to the ground after the spell released me, Bellatrix and Scabior walked into the room.

"Trouble in paradise?" Bellatrix grinned as she walked over to me, forcibly grabbing my shoulder and making me stand. "We've got business to attend to, whether little Snapey is angry with you or not." She grabbed onto my shoulder, her nails digging into my skin as she guided me from the house. My heart was beating painfully in my chest, his face; I couldn't get the anger and betrayal that had been written across it.

We apparated to a small village, every house was a good distance apart. It was nearing noon, many people were walking along the street and giving us odd looks. This was a muggle community. I nervously followed Bellatrix as she walked into the town, Scabior following beside me.

"We have to wait until dark." Bellatrix whispered, her eyes glinting evilly. We still had a long while to go before the sun set. She sat us down in an isolated embankment along a river, where she kept watch as Scabior lounged around. I was more on edge than I'd ever been; Snape was around to protect me all the time, Snape was always there, now he wasn't. I would have to fend for myself if anything bad happened.

My thoughts kept me occupied for hours, the sun was slowly moving across the sky until it fell behind a few trees and dusk approached. Bellatrix gave us the signal to follow her and we trekked across town again. We came upon a small villa where the windows were still lit up. Bella smirked.

"This is the house of a well known newspaper editor. He supports Harry Potter and is spreading the word of the Dark Lords soon to come demise. You must take care of him." My eyes widened and I turned to look at her.

"I have to-" Bellatrix grinned, she probably would've laughed if we hadn't been trying to hide. The darkness overcame us, it was nearly impossible to see Bellatrix in the dark. Scabior was brought along to keep tabs, to make sure Bellatrix wasn't just letting me join without showing my dedication.

"Move." She approached the door, knocking loudly three times. Her wand was drawn, and as the door opened, her wand made its way to the man's face. He must've been in his mid-thirties, same age as me; he was shocked at the wand being forced into his face. Bellatrix pushed him back, storming into the house with Scabior and me following.

"Do it, now." Bellatrix hissed. I held my wand tightly in my hand. The man had fallen back on the ground; tears were beginning to form in his eyes.

"Don't kill me please." He begged. From the corner of my eye I saw the family, his family, his two little girls and his wife huddling in the corner of the room, watching their father with fearful eyes. My hand shook as I raised it, it was pointing directly at him. All I had to do was say the spell.

"No!" The little girl cried out. She was small, with light blonde hair thrown up into pigtails and the biggest blue eyes I'd ever seen. Her mother had called for her to come back, and her father had even looked at her with fear filled eyes. "Don't hurt my daddy, I won't let you-" She launched herself forward but Scabior caught her before she got any closer. She was crying now, as was her younger sister.

She couldn't be older than 4 but she still understood. She was going to be without a father if I went through with this. She may live her life in fear. The mother began to scream for help, but Bellatrix immediately cast a silencing charm on her. She was lucky it wasn't anything worse.

The man was looking at me again, with big, tear filled eyes. My life was in his hand, I could choose to save him, to have him live and let his family be happy forever. Or I could kill him and keep Severus alive and safe for another day. All this dedicated to the Voldemort, all of this being caused because of Voldemort.

Bellatrix was watching me now; she was annoyed I wouldn't act. I couldn't concentrate with the little girls sobs; the man's tear filled eyes as he stared at the family he'd never have another happy moment with. The two little girls he would never watch grow up, he'd never live to see them go off to school, or go on their first date, or walk them down the aisle and cry as they were given away to another man. My hand was shaking again, I couldn't hold back the tears that had begun to form.

"I'm sorry..." I whispered. "Avada Kedavra!" The spell burst from my hand and hit him square in the chest. I saw his face go blank as his body slumped over backwards and fell to the floor with a 'thunk'. His daughters screamed, the mother sobbed loudly as she pulled the two girls towards her. And all I could do was stare. I had killed a man. A man with a family. A man who had friends and people who loved him.

This man would never see the light of day again.


	5. Chapter 4

Bellatrix immediately took us home, singing in glee as we made our way from the house. She had used a charm to obliviate the memories of our faces from their minds, not that it mattered. Voldemort was coming to power and soon not even the Ministry could do anything about the Death Eaters killing. Soon they'd have all the power.

Bellatrix took me home, to Snape's, and congratulated me on my entry into Voldemort's circle. She said she'd have to give him a good report, if she came back without one he'd be infuriated, and with that, she was gone. Scabior smirked.

"Didn't know you had it in ya." He stated before heading on his way. All I could think of was that man's face. The pleading look in his eyes, the way his voice shook as he begged for his life. The way his daughters had been crying, the way she had tried to protect him. I felt the tears coming forth again; I ran to the bathroom for safety, locking the door behind me as I sat on the floor and let the tears flow freely.

I was glad Severus wasn't home to question me. I couldn't take his eyes digging away at my mind and staring me down. I couldn't let it happen. I didn't want him to know I had no idea what I'd gotten myself into.

I curled up into a ball and let out a shaky sob. I had killed that man. What was his family doing know? Were they mourning the loss of their father figure? Was his wife crying because every time she looked at the side of her bed she'd know he wouldn't be crawling in next to her? My heart suddenly felt as if it was being stabbed; what if that had been Severus? What if he wasn't just gone for a few days, what if he was gone forever?

A knock on the door broke me from my thoughts.

"(Name)." He was home. "I know you're in there." Of course he did. Peter must've told him. I stood up, rubbing my eyes before opening the door. He was standing there with an eyebrow raised. His lips suddenly turned into a frown, he was staring at me too long for my liking.

"Another meeting with Dumbledore?" I sniffled, nearly smacking myself as I did. That'd give away that'd I'd been crying; maybe I could push it off on being sick.

"You've been crying." Snape murmured. He blocked the doorway so I couldn't escape his penetrating gaze.

"I've killed a man Severus." My voice came out a raspy whisper, the tears began to fill my eyes again as I thought of that poor man. All he'd done was state his opinion in public and he was murdered for it, I killed him for being a human being.

"Why get worked up over such an insignificant man?" His question was like a knife through my heart. The little girls face came to my mind, her big eyes, and the tears falling down her cheeks, the desperation in her voice...

"He wasn't insignificant to his family, Severus! How could you claim such a thing?" Snape scowled.

"Why sign up for something you are so horribly unprepared for?" I was at a loss for words, I couldn't string together sentences that made sense. Instead I muttered an apology before collapsing to the floor again. I couldn't tell if he was still standing in the doorway or not, but at the moment I didn't care enough.

I felt his hands on my shoulders, pulling me into a standing position. My legs felt as if they would give out immediately if I tried to move, he let me lean on him, wrapping an arm around my waist to hold my weight and keep me steady. He led me to the bedroom; by the time we reached it was able to stand on my own. I walked over and plopped down on his side of the bed, crying for hours made me tired.

He was looking at me up and down, observing my face for anything. I felt a little tingle course through my body, my head suddenly throbbed painfully. I winced, curling up on the bed. Was he trying to use Legilimency on me? Right now my mind was in so many places, if he saw the things Dumbledore and I had discussed, he would be infuriated it. I kept my mind blank and my emotions out, I had to use Occlumency to keep him from my mind.

"You're making it that much harder to protect you." He growled.

"I don't need protection." My voice was now just a hoarse whisper. I buried my face into the pillow, letting Snape's smell flow through my nose. He was watching my figure from the door before he turned and left, locking the door behind him. He didn't want Peter to bother me while I was in this state of mind. I sighed, leaning on the pillow and staring at the wall; I'd killed a man...

It took a few months for me to function normally; everything reminded me of that man and his family. The family I'd ruined and caused pain. Severus had threatened to pour a potion down my throat that'd knock out the horrible memories, but I didn't feel as if that'd be right. He had to be remembered correctly, not forgotten. I had to live with what I'd done.

Severus had another thing added to his plate. Narcissa Malfoy came upon his doorstep with tears in her eyes. She wanted protection for her son, Draco, and she held Snape in high esteem, hoping he could possibly protect Draco from the Dark Lord's mission. He made an Unbreakable Vow, in front of me and Bellatrix, and promised to fulfill Draco's duty if he could not. I watched silently, saying nothing and not speaking of it even after the two sisters left. It was better to leave him alone, Snape had much on his mind.

Severus and I left for Hogwarts the day before term was supposed to start. Headmaster Dumbledore had put me as Potions Master's assistant in the school; he used me than to keep tabs on Snape, too. I enjoyed my job; however, I'd slip in correct ingredients or offered help when someone didn't quite understand. Most students were too frightened to ask him for any help, so I was their saving grace.

The day we arrived however, I found out that Severus had been replaced as Potions Professor by Slughorn, the man who'd taught me when I was at Hogwarts. He greeted me cheerfully, he must've remembered me from his Advanced Potions class and the Slug Club, and remarked on how it'd be an honor to work with me.

Months passed by where I helped Slughorn in his classes. Severus was enjoying his position as Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, but I could tell he was distracted. He had something to do, what was it though? What had caused Narcissa to come to Snape? I began to worry more and more as each day passed. He wouldn't tell me a thing, yet I still trusted him? I don't think Snape knew that he held my heart in his hand.

One night, I awoke in a cold sweat from a dream I'd had. It was about the man again, and his family, but it was different. It was Snape and I in their places, with two little children that resembled me, Voldemort had taken my place as the murderer. It was me begging for Snapes life this time, it was me crying, trying to sacrifice myself in his place.

I shook the dream from my mind, turning to the empty side of the bed that was Snape's. He wasn't here. Where had he gone? I stood up, throwing on regular clothes before slipping from the dark room. He'd surely yell if he'd learned that I'd gone out so late at night, but my curiosity had gotten the best of me.

I found myself walking around Hogwarts and getting lost. I accidentally awoke a few paintings who grumbled and glared as I quickly walked by them, muttering short apologies. I caught sight of him, a few feet ahead of me.

"Severus." I hissed. He stopped short, turning to look at me with wide eyes. "What are you doing?" He seemed to be thinking for a second, but instead of answering my question he held up his hand in a 'follow me' position and started off towards the Astronomy Tower. I frowned, following closely behind him and watching my steps carefully; he wouldn't be too happy if I stepped on his cloak.

We were heading up to the Astronomy Tower, but what for, I didn't know. I blindly trusted him to not lead me into a death trap. We reached the top and he ducked under the one side, pulling me with him. Harry, a Gryffindor student and Voldemorts nightmare, was hiding under there looking up at the scene above.

Draco had his wand pointed at Dumbledore, a look of pain and worry on his. Dumbledore was clutching his stomach, still standing, as he looked shocked at Draco's wand. I couldn't hear the words that were being uttered for my heart was beating too loudly. Snape forced Harry to stay where he was; I shot him an apologetic look before quickly following him as we made our entrance to the scene.

Bellatrix was standing there, coaxing Draco to kill Dumbledore. My heart was beating louder now, the horrible feeling that had developed in my stomach was begin to get worse. This wasn't a good, yet there was nothing for me to do. I would watch from the sidelines as the scene played out. Dumbledore looked as if he was in immense pain, he glanced over at me before staring at Snape.

"Severus..." Dumbledore called out. I was lost in thought, lost in the horror of the scene that played out before my eyes. Death Eaters in Hogwarts, standing around a weakened Dumbledore. It suddenly made sense, what Draco's mission was, it was to kill Dumbledore. To remove one of Voldemorts strongest rivals. I couldn't do anything to stop it now.

Snape pushed Draco out of the way, wielding his wand and pointing it at Dumbledore. Dumbledore muttered a few words before Snape muttered the spell.

"Avada Kedavra!" The power of the spell sent Dumbledores body over the side of the tower, letting it fall onto the ground below. It didn't matter. He was already dead, it wouldn't hurt him anyway. I watched in horror, tears beginning to fill my eyes as Bellatrix ran to the side and screamed in joy. She cast a curse and sent the dark mark into the sky.

We had to make our escape before much else happened. I felt Snape's hand firmly grasp my wrist as he dragged me down the tower stairs, I wasn't able to move on my own. Draco followed, the pained look staying on his face as we ran through the halls. Bellatrix destroyed the Great Hall, making the windows shatter and kicking dishes. I watched as everything I'd love, my childhood, my home away from home, was destroyed before my very eyes.

We'd reached the outside of Hogwarts, we were nearly to the Forbidden Forest where we'd be able to Apparate away. Snape had ordered me to stick with Draco, to keep him safe and moving along. I heard Harry yell, Draco and Snape stopped in their tracks; I was forced to do the same.

"He trusted you!" Harry yelled, shooting a spell which Snape easily deflected. Draco looked scared beyond reason, he looked tired and worn down. This was a situation a boy his age should never be put in. Harry's words began to have an effect on me, one that made me think...

Snape. I trusted him, too. I blindly followed him even though he told me nothing, I loved him despite the fact he hardly showed me affection. I was smitten with a man who kept dark secrets and had killed the only man who would be able to slay Voldemort. Had he truly switched sides? Had I not done as Dumbledore asked and kept him straying back along the dark path he had been heading in?

I grasped Dracos shoulders, jumping as Hagrids hut was suddenly just a ball of flames. Bellatrix was giggling happily, dancing and waving her wand around in the air like a madman. Draco looked at her in shock; as if this wasn't his aunt anymore. I grabbed him and forced him towards the forest, Snape shot a spell at Harry and continued to speak to him despite the desperation of the situation.

"Severus!" I cried out. He looked back at me, I'm guessing the look of fear made him slightly distraught, and then turned to Harry. He shot one last spell, knocking Harry off his feet and continued running. I had to force Draco along, as he was now blubbering apologies, I was afraid to say he might burst into tears any second.

As we reached the line that separated the Forbidden Forest from the rest of Hogwarts, I felt Snape grab onto me, in turn I held onto Draco tightly, and we apparated. The feeling of apparation along with the churning in my stomach was painful and uncomfortable; Draco didn't seem to be taking it well either.

We were in Snape's house now, he quickly moved about and packed the things he needed. We'd be going somewhere else tonight, obviously, to escape the authority that'd surely be out to find us. Not that it mattered anymore. Nothing does. Voldemort had won, he'd killed Dumbledore and now there was nothing to oppose him. Except the Ministry, which was surely the next thing to be taken down. I knew of a few agents that already had places in it.

I pushed Draco down so that his blubbering wouldn't cause him to fall over, and ran upstairs to see Snape. I had to talk to him. I had to see what was going on.

"Why would you do that?" I whispered. "Why kill Dumbledore! He was the one who could stop him, and now-" Snape quickly walked over to me, grabbing my shoulders and forcing me against the wall. His eyes peered into mine; I saw something else in his eyes now, regret and sorrow.

"Do you trust me?" He asked.

"W-what?" I stuttered in reply. The question had come from nowhere; it made my mind race a million different ways. If I said I didn't trust him, would he kill me now in fear of me telling the world of his whereabouts? If I said I trusted him would he continue to play me for a fool? In the toughest of situations, the truth was what was needed.

"Do you trust me?" He asked again, an edge to his voice.

"Yes." I whispered. He scanned my face, looking for any sign that I was lying.

"You're a fool." He whispered, leaning forward and slamming his lips against mine. It'd been months since I'd felt this passion, since I'd felt his lips against mine and his body pressing against me, in an act of desperation, to feel that spark, that life that had disappeared during the tiring months and months of work. He pulled away, we were both breathless by the time we'd stopped.

"I will keep you safe." He whispered in my ear. "Even if it kills me."


	6. Chapter 5

The Malfoy Manor was a handsome manor house, surrounded by gardens, including a large fountain and albino peacocks. It was surrounded by strong iron gates that permit only the individuals given permission to enter. It was a good, smart place to have the meetings held for Death Eaters. I wasn't technically a Death Eater; Voldemort had a different purpose for me. He wouldn't reveal what it was, however, until the Ministry was overtaken.

We were forced to live in the manor for the time being, while we were wanted and being hunted by the Ministry. We were given a large room on the east side, our room being farthest from everyone else's. It made it easier to lay in bed for hours and do nothing. I could honestly say I was a broken woman. I could hear him; I could hear the man begging for his life again.

I could see Dumbledore's shocked face, his body falling from the tower, the events of that night replayed in my head so many times it felt as if it was just a dream, something I'd made up. Then I'd wake up in the Malfoy Manor, staring at the white ceiling and feeling the empty spot next to me.

I was more alone than ever.

With Snape constantly being gone on Voldemorts bidding I was stuck inside the manor, left to wander were I pleased. Voldemort had promised my job would soon be put into motion, thus I wouldn't be bored during the day.

I walked the long halls when I got bored, there were many sights to see in manor. There were large pictures on the walls of past figures; they were unusual because they didn't move like most magical pictures did. They were like regular muggle pictures. I found myself making my way to the main hall, where some stairs led down to the basement.

I'd never been down in the basement before, I'd be all around the house though, it was the last place for me to explore. I carefully walked down the stairs, noticing the darkness. The prisoners must not be too happy with the lighting...or the being captured against their will. A gate blocked my way, so I couldn't go any farther. I lightly shook it, seeing something move from in the dark.

"Lumos!" I whispered, waving my wand and holding it up to the gate. The dirty face of a blonde girl is what I saw first. She was looking up at me curiously, her head tilted as her blue orbs scanned my face.

"Are you perhaps a Death Eater?" Her voice sounded airy and out there; It was a refreshing difference from the normal rough, angry voices I heard everywhere.

"I'm not. More like, in a complicated relationship with a Death Eater."

"Oh." She replied. I looked her over, she looked incredibly thin, she must not have eaten for the fe days she'd been trapped in here. "Would you possibly be able to get us some food?" I nodded, still frowning. Why bother capturing such a poor little girl? She couldn't possibly have anything to do with Voldemort, nor could she interrupting his plan, why was she trapped like a rat in a cage?

"I'll sneak you some food from the kitchen-" Before I had a chance to leave, a groan sounded. I moved my wand to the right to see an older man, lying against a pillar, injured and dirty.

"Mr. Ollivander would like some water, if you could please?" I nodded again, whispering 'Knox' and sneaking up the stairs. I made a bee-line for the kitchen, not too keen on being questioned by one of the Death Eaters in the household. The kitchen was a large place; it could be its own grocery store if it wanted to be. Food of every kind could be found in here.

People only came around dinner time, we never ate all together, and occasionally Snape and I would dine with the Malfoy's if they were present at the time. Everything in the house was separated; everyone did their own thing and tried to continue on their life. I saw through it though, I saw the effect this was having. I saw how much this messed with the Malfoy's, especially Lucius, this was an invasion of their privacy.

"Food..." I murmured, opening the large fridge. I grabbed a few sandwiches that had been leftover from yesterday, first come, first serve, that was how it worked in this house. I grabbed a glass from the cabinet and filled it with water, cradling the sandwich plate and the water as I rushed off. I almost had an unfortunate run in with Yaxley, however Snape told him that Voldemort had summoned him. It must mean another meeting was going on.

I waited for them to leave before I came from my hiding place behind a pillar, stealthing my way through the rest of the house before reaching the basement again. Why was the kitchen so far away? I handed the blonde girl the sandwich through the bars of the door, the bars were thick enough for me to hand the glass through to her though.

"I'll get the glass later, keep it hidden."

"Thank you very much; it was kind of you to risk your life to help us even though you don't know us." My eyes were trained on the girl for a few more seconds before I pictured her with her neatly brushed hair, a clean face, and Ravenclaw robes.

"I always help students at Hogwarts, as the Potions assistant it's what I was supposed to do." She smiled in return, walking over to sit behind a pillar with the injured man to eat in peace. I heard snorting from behind me and turned to see Pettigrew, walking with Snape. They were about to leave to go somewhere, Pettigrew turned and spotted me however.

"What're you doing?" He asked loudly, gaining Snape's attention as well. He only raised an eyebrow at me, however, I'm positive he was going to question me later. I ascended the stairs, nodding respectfully towards the two of them before heading back to the room.

"Wait." Snape called out, I stopped in my tracks. "The Dark Lord wishes to see you. Go to the room where we have all the meetings." He turned on his heel and exited the manor, Pettigrew giving me one last suspicious look before following suit. I bit my lip, the sudden nauseous feeling in my stomach causing me to nearly vomit all over the beautiful marble floor.

I'd never faced Voldemort alone before, I never wanted to, I'd always been around Snape when he had something to say to me. I entered the room, where Scabior was already standing, with Fenrir and a few others that I didn't know. I walked over but kept a distance from the group. Voldemort was sitting in a kitchen chair, more extravagant than the rest, and was stroking Nagini's head softly. His eyes were closed; it looked as if he was thinking.

"I have decided." His voice made shivers run up my spine, it made me feel as if a snake was wrapping itself around my throat, squeezing enough to instill fear but not to kill me. "You will be my group, my Snatchers." Scabior raised an eyebrow.

"Wot's that, my Lord." Voldemorts red eyes were suddenly trained on Scabior before they slipped over to me.

"I've placed a taboo on my name, for purposes you need not know. Anytime my name is mentioned, you will be called to the scene. (Name)." I shivered as he said my name; he noticed my fear and let a smirk come onto his face. "I name you the head of this group of Snatchers, Scabior and the rest of them will be under your command. Understand?" I shivered as he hissed the last word. Scabior looked none too pleased.

"Yes. Thank you for your kindness, my Lord." I suddenly felt disgusted with myself. I was bowing down before this man that I despised, this man that had made my life difficult, that had made my love's life difficult, he made me do things I never would have done before. It was destroying me; it was destroying the self esteem I had. What would I do next? Would I dump Severus and become a true Death Eater? Would I leave behind my morals, look a man in the face, and be able to kill him without guilt? Without having to cry every night over the pained look as I rip his soul from his body and-

I was a hollow shell of my former self, I'd sacrificed everything, my life, my love, my happiness, my morals, all for the sake of one man. I was crumbling, the pressure, the conflicting emotions, it was all taking its toll on me. I felt the strain on my heart was I went to face Severus in our room, where he asked me what happened. I fell onto the bed before I replied.

"He asked me to be head of the snatchers..." I held an amulet that he'd given us all in my hand. It was to be kept on me at all times, every time his name was mentioned it would burn into my skin and I would be alerted. Snape looked over me before turning, he was about to exit the room again. I felt as if he couldn't stand to be around me anymore.

"I see." He replied shortly, swinging the door open. I'd had enough of this.

"Stop!" I shouted. He turned to me with a look of surprise and annoyance; however he shut the door again. I stood up, walking over to him and slapping him. Hard. His eyes widened, he grabbed my hand to prevent me from hitting him again.

"What are you doing?" He shouted, clearly infuriated with my actions.

"Why? Why do you leave all the time! Why do you act as if I'm a different person! Why do you go off on your own and tell me nothing?"

"That is none of your business." He hissed. I pushed him. I could feel it, the pent up anger at him, and myself, were now being forced out.

"It is **exactly** my business. I know you hate when people meddle, but right now, I'm allowed to meddle, you should be telling me things! I have no idea what you've been doing since you killed Dumbledore, you keep secrets from me, and I'm supposed to be the one you trust!"

"I don't have to tell you anything, do not act as if I am the only one at fault." He snarled.

"Don't you dare blame this on me! I've told you everything you would care about. Every question you've asked I'd answered to the best of my ability, you only avoid mine. You don't trust me but I trust you. Have we fallen so out of touch with this-"

"Quiet. Listen to me." Snape shouted back, grabbing my shoulders forcibly. "You are the _only_ person I have left to believe that I am still human."

"Severus-"

"I will not allow Voldemort to hurt you due to my insolence. You will keep quiet, you will not oppose him, and you will wait a little longer for freedom. You are to stay put and do as told. You may not put your life in any more danger than you already have." He released me; I staggered backwards and fell back on the bed again. His eyes, his whole face, looked tired and stressed from the long hours he'd been working. I suddenly felt bad for snapping on him.

He was going through the same thing, but he'd kept it better hidden than me. He didn't over think the things he did for me, he accepted he may have to do bad things to make it through but he'd come to terms with that. Here I was feeling sorry for myself; feeling like I was the only one suffering from this constant acting, but it was him.

Severus Snape held my heart in his hands and he was protecting it well. He was going through this, and putting his life on the line. It suddenly made me feel as if I'd been through nothing. I had killed a man, as had Severus, but he'd killed a man who'd been there for him. Yet he was still going strong, still keeping up Dumbledore's plan in spite of the fact his death would be guaranteed if he was discovered. He was the bravest man I'd ever known.

I had to be stronger, I had to get my act together and realize, and this wasn't just some game. I couldn't restart if I slipped up and let my emotions take control, for now I had to feel with my mind, not my emotions. If I killed another man, I couldn't care, I couldn't mourn, I'd have to accept that's what has to happen for my own survival. It was going to be hard to just discard my emotional state, but I had to do it. For my sake, and Snape's.

Over the next few months or so the amulet had managed to burn a nice little mark into my breast, as I kept it in my bra at all times. The mark wouldn't fade, since everyday there was someone mentioning his name. Some ministry officials, some families not even opposing Voldemort, yet we were forced to check it out.

Scabior wasn't pleased with me taking position of head Snatcher, in fact, he acted on his own a lot, but it had yet to get me into any trouble so I wasn't about to stop him. He followed me on the bigger mission, such as the one we were pursuing now. Three kids that had escaped the Ministry, we were called to a forest where the three of them had just apparated. They ran, but of course we were faster, we were better. We caught them and had them pinned in a moment's notice.

"Wot's this? Who're you ugly?" He was speaking to a boy whose face was completely swelled up, so much so that one eye had been swelled closed. The girl was in Fenrir's grip, he was sniffing her as if she was some piece of meat. I felt my old emotions well up in me again, as I saw the redhead lurch forward to pull the brown haired girl from Fenrir's grasp, I stepped in.

"Relax, Fenrir, she's not yours to have." I stated, grabbing her from his grasp and moving her to stand near me. Scabior was examining the boys face now, paying particular attention to his forehead. A grin broke out on his face when he turned to face me.

"We betta take 'em it to him before we kill 'em." He pushed the boys hair back, revealing a scar shaped swirl on his forehead. My eyes focused on the scar for a second before I realized what he meant. It was _Harry Potter_.

I wanted to panic but I pushed the feeling down, grabbing onto the brown haired girl tightly. I knew her, she'd been in Advanced Potions with Slughorn, her name was Hermione Granger. Harry had been in that class, too, he'd impressed Slughorn with his prowess in Potions. I hadn't seen anyone that good since Severus...

"Oi, you used ta be a teacher at Hogwarts, ain't ya? Look at 'im'." He shoved Harry in my face; I could look for long before I turned away. "'ey, he ain't that hideous."

"I don't know who he is, I've never seen him in all my years at Hogwarts." I replied stiffly. Scabior scowled at me. "I think it'd be a waste of time to show the Dark Lord, after all, he'd kill us if we bothered him over a few school kids."

"I think that we should bring 'em in." I scowled over at Scabior, crossing my arms over my chest.

"Who are YOU to question my authority?"

"You know the only reason you got any authority is because of your little love toy!" I twitched. Love toy?

"The Dark Lord wouldn't have put me in charge just because of my connection to Severus, you fool. He obviously seems me as someone who knows how to control themselves." Scabior looked as if he wished to spit in my face, but he wasn't going to. He knew his place in this group, he was below me and there would be serious consequences if I reported this to Voldemort.

"We should check, still." It was a good idea; there was no reason for me to say 'no' to it. He'd cornered me into doing what he wanted. "It seems like you want to let them go... Voldemort really wouldn't approve of that from his head in command, would he?" I glared. I didn't enjoy being suckered into doing something I didn't want to, but I had to admit defeat. The Snatchers were all staring at me; the three kids were, too.

"We'll take them to Malfoy Manor. Let's go." I grabbed Hermione's shoulder and apparated with her while the others grabbed the two boys and followed suit. We were outside the gates now; Bellatrix was walking forward and peering out from behind the gates. Scabior walked up, shoving Harry's face, although I still wasn't sure what happened to it, into the gate and pushing his hair back to show the scar.

"Get Draco." She whispered softly, a grin breaking out over her face as the gates opened. She nearly skipped back to the manor; her face was contorted into one of extreme pleasure. She knew who he was, but she didn't. She needed conformation from someone who knew his face; she knew the consequences of irritating the Dark Lord.

I followed behind the rest of the group, knowing none of this could possibly end well.

We were in them main hall in an instant, Narcissa, Lucius, and Draco were all standing off to the side when Bellatrix walked in with Harry. She pulled Draco over and had him look at Harry's face, she held him by his hair and kept him steady so Draco could get a good look. Draco stared hard at Harry's face, I could tell from the flicker of emotion that he knew exactly who he was. We were all standing around him, waiting for Draco to confirm or deny if it was him.

"Well?" Bellatrix asked excitedly.

"I can't be sure." Draco replied, turning away. Lucius stepped forward, grabbing hard onto Draco's neck and drawing him close.

"Look closely, son. If we are the ones to hand Potter over to the Dark Lord everything will be forgiven." Scabior looked annoyed at this, his eyes narrowing as he stepped forward to say something.

"Now we won't be forgettin' about who actually caught 'im, I hope, Mr. Malfoy."

"You dare to talk to me like that in my own house!" Lucius exclaimed angrily, Narcissa walked over to calm him from his rage. Draco looked as if he was going to be sick. Bellatrix pulled Draco even closer to Harry, I know felt a nervousness in my stomach I hadn't felt since the night Dumbledore died.

Draco took his sweet time in looking over Harry, I knew he recognized him but what would he do? He'd always made the wrong decisions and now look where he ended up. He was a Death Eater and doing things no boy should do at the age of 17. It was odd, but Draco and I had something in common. Draco finally commented on his face, muttering it was unlike anyone's face he knew of. He wasn't going to sell Harry out?

Bellatrix suspected a stinging jinx, she walked over to check Hermione's last spell when she stopped and gasped.

"What's that?" She asked, shock written on her face. A snatcher was standing near the back, holding a sword in his hand. The snatcher replied but Bellatrix didn't listen to him, instead she shot a spell at him that caused snakes to wrap around his neck and choke him; Scabior protested but was taken down as well. She shouted at them to go, to leave, but she looked at me at the last second.

"You. Stay." She hissed. I gulped, standing beside Narcissa so that I remained out of her way. She turned, grabbing onto Ron and Harry and shoving them at Narcissa, ordering her to throw them in the cell. "I need to have a little conversation with this one…" She was suddenly in Hermione's face, smirking. "Girl to girl!" Hermione let out a few shaky breaths before Bellatrix grabbed hold of her.

"Bellatrix." I tried to ease her thoughts of betrayal but she didn't even hear me. She had pushed Hermione to the ground and was on top of her, their faces close as she hissed out questions.

There I was, watching a scene and being able to do nothing about it. Hermione's screams pierced my ears as Bellatrix tortured her; I was left standing and doing nothing once more. It was like a scene from a movie that I had no control over; no matter how much it outraged me. Bellatrix forced Pettigrew to summon the goblin to confirm whether the sword was real or not.

She interrogated the goblin next; I kneeled beside Hermione, coaxing her to stand up. Bellatrix turned to me, walking forward and preparing to attack Hermione again. A shout of 'Expelliarmus started a full out battle between them. Bellatrix grabbed Hermione from my arms, holding a dagger to her throat.

"Call him!" She shouted. The momentary silence was nerve wracking; it was broken from the squeaking of the chandelier. Everyone looked upwards. A small house elf with big eyes was unscrewing the part of the chandelier that attached it to the ceiling. Bellatrix was left gaping widely; it gave me enough time to pull Hermione from danger as it fell; Bellatrix jumped out of the way just in time.

Suddenly everything was moving so fast. Spells were being shot off, Lucius flew through the air, Draco had lost possession of Harry's wand, it was as if there was still hope to escape. I grabbed hard onto Hermione and the redhead, dragging both of them over to where their friends were standing.

"You stupid elf, you almost killed me!" Bellatrix shrieked, lurching forward and holding out her dagger menacingly. I kept a strong grip on Hermione, they hadn't seemed to notice. Narcissa raised her wand but the elf snapped his finger and took hold of her wand. Infuriated, Bellatrix threw her dagger at him, but we'd already apparated. I was being dragged along with this group of runaways and it'd be reported to Voldemort that I'd betrayed him. My life was in even more danger than before.

I remembered Bellatrix's words on how she'd personally take care of me... I couldn't imagine the amount of trouble I'd gotten her into now. Not that I cared much. Snape was who I was worried about, although I felt it wouldn't matter much, Voldemort had him take over as Headmaster of Hogwarts now that his reign had begun, he wouldn't be able to replace him so easily.

Harry was cradling the little elf in his arms sadly; the dagger Bellatrix had thrown at him had hit him in a fatal area. He was bleeding out, soon to die, but I found my feelings remaining indifferent. I didn't care. I'd seen so much death, been through so many stressful situations that my emotions had been bullied enough, they had left without a second thought.

"You!" Ron shouted, jumping up and holding his wand to my face; He pushed Hermione back behind him. I glanced up at him, reaching into my pocket to grab my wand and rolling it towards him.

"Ron, stop!" Hermione cried out, pushing Ron's wand arm down. He regarded her with surprise before she ran forward and knelt beside me. "She protected me to the best of her ability... I don't think she's like the rest of them." I looked at her, a small smile growing on my face.

"I am like them. I am exactly like them. I murder, I kill, I pillage." I whispered. "I do not as for your protection, I did what I felt was correct. You had done no crime; therefore you shouldn't have been punished for it. Blood status shouldn't matter in any world..." She gave me sad look, but my mind was elsewhere. I was wondering about Severus.

As the lot of them went up to bury the elf, Dobby, I stayed put on the beach. It was a beautiful place; I would've felt more rejuvenated if I had been in better spirits. I walked along the edge, where the water lapped against the sand, and cleared my thoughts, closing my eyes as I hummed softly to myself. My feelings needed a break; my mind was tired of running all around all day, so I thought of no one. It was time I began to let myself relax a little, I deserved that one pleasure.

Hermione came down to the beach later, Ron following behind her, probably to make sure I didn't pull anything. She asked for me to come into the house to eat something and to clean up, I didn't much feel like talking nor arguing, so I nodded my head and followed her back to the house.

It was owned by a cute little couple, the girl was obviously part Veela, as she was quite beautiful. She offered me a change from my dark jacket, a simple dress that wouldn't make me overheat in the sun. I was kind to her, not willing to get on any ones nerves for the sake of my life and the fact this was the only place I had to stay. She offered me a small room, but I declined, realizing there was only one place I wanted to truly be.

"Thank you for kindness." It was dusk, I was ready to go on the beach and relax for a few more hours before I was forced to leave. Luna stepped forward, walking over to me and place a shell in my hand. There was a string going through it and other smooth, white shells decorating it.

"It's a thank you present, Mr. Ollivander and I agreed that your kindness deserved something."

"Kindness?" Ron asked, a look of annoyance on his face. Oh, I saw how it was now, he was judging that just because I was associated with the Death Eaters I was a bad person. Not a stupid assumption, no matter how untrue it was.

"Yes. She brought us food and water when we were hungry." She smiled, walking over to her spot at the kitchen table. "She's a very kind soul. The only kind that I'd ever met in that mansion. Quite curious why she's connected to Death Eaters." I smirked.

"Love makes you do crazy things, kid." I murmured, taking the necklace and placing it around my neck. "Thank you and..." I looked over and Harry, Ron, and Hermione. "Good luck." I turned and left, walking along the sandy beach and enjoying the feeling of the sand beneath my feet. If only I could walk on all of my troubles like this, without care, with ease.

Once I was far enough from the place, I found a place on the sand and took out my wand. The only ways of my communication with Severus... Hopefully we wouldn't get caught. I was far enough that they wouldn't have to storm into their house, nor would they be under any suspicion.

"Expecto Patronum!" I whispered a silvery wisp of light appearing from my wand. It formed into a shape of a cougar, it looked at me. "I wish to bestow a message to the Headmaster of Hogwarts..." I whispered my message and the cougar whisked off across the ocean to deliver it, disappearing in a silvery burst of light.

A few hours passed before I lay on the sand, not minding the fact sand would be caked in my hair or that it was mildly uncomfortable. I needed rest and any place would do right now. When I was woken it was nearly light outside, a silver doe was standing around my head and nudging me softly. I sat up, and the doe delivered it's message.

"Come to the place which should be most suspected, but is not searched." Snape's voice made my heart beat; a small smile flickered onto my face without me being able to stop it. To see him would be the biggest relief. I knew he wanted me to meet him at his house, but another thought filtered through my mind. Could I trust him? Would he reveal me to Voldemort so that his credibility that he'd built up, that I'd probably managed to destroy in a few moments worth of not thinking, but I found myself not regretting a thing.

It was the first time in a year I'd done something I felt was right; something I'd done for me and not Severus' welfare or to make myself out to be a person I wasn't. It was me, and it felt good. It was hard to smile when my heart was still heavy, but I whispered a message back to the doe and sent it off. I'd apparate there as soon as the sun rose. I had a few more hours left to wait to see my love again.

I touched the shell necklace Luna had made me, sighing before I apparated. Of course it was empty, I tried to open the door but it was locked. I whispered a spell and unlocked the door, entering the house for the first time in months. I sighed, letting myself relax as I walked over to his armchair. I wondered when he last sat in it before sitting in it myself, trying to relax my breath.

The door lock clicked and I jumped; It was my first reaction to any sounds. What if it wasn't Severus, what if it was a Death Eater coming to collect me and send me straight to Voldemort again? The cloaked figure walked quickly towards me, I clutched for my wand that I'd picked up from the beach, but I didn't have to. I was pulled from the seat and into his arms before I would've been able to mutter a spell.

"Severus." I whispered, letting out a sigh of relief as I buried my face in his shoulder. It was a sudden relief to be back in his arms once more, the heavy burden that had weighed down my heart had been temporarily lifted. His hug, his embraces, everything about this man was to be cherished, to be appreciated... I found tears welling up in my eyes, the relief I'd felt, it felt as if I was a person again, it felt like I was allowed to be happy, I was allowed to feel now. He wouldn't let me leave his arms, not yet, he must be cherishing the moment as much as I was, because he knew as well as I did that it couldn't last forever. Not for now.

"Why?" He whispered in my ear, his arms remaining around my waist. Being so close to him left me in a mesmerized state, I wasn't focusing on his words, instead I relished in his presence. "What was possibly going through your head that you decided to revolt against Bellatrix?" I pushed away from him, not really wanting to, keeping a hand on his chest and looking into his normally unfeeling eyes. There was a mixture of emotions going through them now, they were worried and upset, but angry and confused at the same time.

"Because I couldn't do it anymore." I replied. "I started to hate myself, who I'd become, I couldn't do it anymore." I clenched my hand, grabbing a bit of cloth from his shirt. He was staring at me now, his mouth open as if he wished to say something, but he didn't. "Maybe it's easy to pretend, to fake through this whole relationship with me and to be a double agent, but I can't hold back my feelings-"

"My feelings for you are not as fake as you claim." I shivered at the coldness of his voice. I hadn't heard that particular tone in a long time. "Do not think just because of her son that she has my heart." I turned away, a twinge of pain shooting through me. He was talking about Harry; he was talking about his lost love with Lily.

"Then why would you try so hard, if your heart wasn't still hers?" He watched me for a second, his mouth closed in a tight-lipped sneer.

"Closure." He finally whispered. "I owe her a great deal, her friendship, the relationship we had, was something I'd taken for granted far too often. I'm obligated to make my mistake up for her, to have her forgive me, so I can move on." I scanned his face, noticing the hint of pain in his eyes, her memory always made me jealous, but it hurt him more than words could describe.

"I understand." I whispered softly, releasing my grip on his shirt and turning away from him. I didn't want to cry, I was willing myself, letting myself know it was okay. Snape couldn't walk away, he wouldn't, because he knew that it might be the last time he saw me breathing. He stepped forward, grabbing my waist and turning me back towards him, leaning close enough for our foreheads to touch. There was something different in his eyes now, something about him that I'd never truly seen before.

He leaned forward, placing soft kisses on my lips and jaw line before pulling me back into his arms. The place I'd wanted to be for so long. I had to speak my feelings to him now, however, I needed to make something I clear.

"I... can't do this. Not without something... Something to depend on." He looked at me; he seemed to be able to read my thoughts even without the help of Occlumency.

"It's dangerous, you're young-"

"You're only 38, Severus, and I'm only 33, but that doesn't matter. I know the man I want to spend my life with is you. If you indeed feel the same about me, you'll make this vow, however if your life is more important and you don't want to risk this, I understand." He was silent, looking away from me for a few long minutes. I wanted his answer, I wanted to yell and shake him and beg him to accept my compromise, but all I could do was wait.

"I've been through many things..." He said suddenly. "The death of my love, of Albus Dumbledore, the torture of idiotic pranksters and the pressure of Voldemorts reign and my being the cause of it... Losing you would not give me the peace I would need. However, your life is in danger as well, you realize?"

"Of course." I replied softly. "Everything I've done has been for your sake Severus..." He quirked an eyebrow. "Dumbledore requested I become a Death Eater, to get closer to you, to be there-" He turned away, a frightening look coming upon his face.

"Dumbledore, was quite the man who never revealed everything, did he? He said to do things without a reason..." He seemed highly irritated but I brushed it off.

"It's not like you haven't kept things hidden from me Severus. I need to know now, so we can get through with the next course of action in our lives. Are we to make the Unbreakable Vow, or not?" He looked at me, his eyes showing a passion that I'd never seen before. Finally, he reached forward, taking firm grip on my hand. I raised my wand and began the spell, the white lights wrapping around me and Severus' hands.

"I promise that Severus Snape will not die." Therefore if he did, the vow would be broken and my death imminent.

"I promise that (First Name, Last Name) will not die." It sealed the deal as the vow had been made. I stowed my wand away, letting out another small sigh before wrapping my arms around his neck.

"I've got to go again, Severus. Hopefully we'll meet again soon." I smiled in content as he hugged me back, his arms resting on the small of my back.

"We will." I made my way to the door with him following closely. I turned to him, possibly for the last time in months, maybe years...

"I love you." I murmured, my cheeks turning pink. He looked at me, and for once a smile appeared on his face, a tired smile, but a smile none-the-less. He grabbed me again and pressed his lips against mine roughly; he didn't need to speak those three simple words, his actions proved that Severus Snape, indeed, loved me too.


End file.
